The Cookie Conspiracy Essay, Research Paper

The Cookie Conspiracy

A place of eternal happiness, so it seems. Though looks can be decieving, we have

never seen this place. It is a place we have only heard of, heard of the positive things,

heard of nothing but good and fuzzy stuff. But beneath the blanket of the fake, lies the

real side of this hellish port. A conspiracy so huge on it’s own people that it is truly

unfathimable to us as humans. I am talking about the Cookieland Government and the

genocide they are performing on it’s own citizens. Citizens who thought they were

seeking a new beginning are, in reality, meeting their painful doom.

Cookies, so it seems..are a tasty way to snack. But in the text ahead you will read

why those cookies really got to you, and where they thought they were going.

If you have paid attention to the news lately, you will know that many bad things

have been happening recently in Cookieland. Keebler Elves have been on strike, Oreo’s

aren’t just fun to twist, and Little Debbie has been on the rise and is taking away a majority

of business from these wonderful people. So, like immigrants back in the 1800’s, the

cookies want to get out of their homeland and onto a better place. So, this is where the

Cookieland Government comes into play. They have proposed a “plan” which reads as

follows…

”All cookies wanting to move away from Cookieland at this time of hardship are to

apply at the Central Government agencies. Upon approval, your cookie family (3

generations) Will be put in a three part boat, each part for a generation. From there you

will be shipped to a secluded place which we have designated for cookies at this time.

Cost is small, and you can stay as long as you want. So apply today!”

Up until now, many cookies have applied for what has been called a “glorious

oppurtunity”. But little do these cookies know what they are getting into… A survivor of

this madness explains his experience..

”They were so nice to us when we got on the boat. Mother A’Hoy sat in front,

and me being her son, I sat right behing her in the second part. The cover went on the

boat and we were off… But something was wrong, after a long trip the boat stopped and

the hood came off the boat. Our protective shield was removed and we were shoved into

this black hole. Many large white looking things took my family away, but I escaped

unscathed. Unfortunately, Mother A’Hoy didn’t survive…DAMN THOSE

BASTARDS!!!!”

So, I will explain to you this whole mess..and what the Government is really doing

to all of these innocent cookies..

So, when all of these hardships came about, many of the cookies wanted to leave,

thats when they go along with this scam put up by the government..But, here’s what really

happens.

The Cookies apply and all are accepted, no one goes away that applies. When

they are put onto this boat, the whole family goes. Cookies breed, it is a known fact….

Mothers have daughters, who have sons who are nephews who have daughters who have

other daughters…and so on and so on. These cookies want to stay together, they are

family. It’s only natural.

Here’s a diagram of the cookie’s boat.

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- -

- Generation 3 -

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- Generation 2 -

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- -

- Generation1 -

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When they get on, the protective shield is put on and then the cover goes on.

What you don’t know is that the protective shield is the sealed plastic wrapper and the

“cover” is the container. See, the Government of Cookieland is in on it with the

Governments of the world. They have made a deal where they trick the cookies into

believeing they are going to a better place, when in reality they are shipped off to markets,

convinience stores, etc. etc. etc…There they are bought and eaten, like cannabalized

slaves they die off slowly.

What does the Cookieland Government get out of this? Money, thats it. It is

needed, with the recent bout with Little Debbie, and they have found a way to get it. With

each boat of cookies, they recieve a set amount of predetermined money. This is a sadistic

effort to improve the economy in which they, themselves have destroyed. So, we see that

these cookies are innocent bystanders who are getting shafted. They do not deserve this,

they have been manipulated into this. It’s time to put a stop to it. Let’s all fight for these

poor lost souls.