Black Ice Essay, Research Paper

Black Ice Essay

?The distance between where we were and the ideal kept us all in a painful

reaching, jumping, leaping at the sky.?

Lorene Cary entered St. Paul?s school wanting to make a difference. To take

advantage of an education, that to many black people of her time, only existed in their

dreams. She felt as though this education would change her life. Bring her power. St.

Paul?s did change Cary?s life, and it opened many doors for her. However these doors

were heavy and not easily moved.

In her stay at St. Paul?s Cary learned the extremes of many emotions. The guilt of

thinking she had received an opportunity she didn?t deserve. Fear lingering at all times,

the fear of failure, of letting everyone down. Of course there were more emotions, but

one was above all the rest: confidence. Cary saw both ends of this emotion. At times she

felt like she could take the school and ?turn it out? just as she had come to do. At other

times she felt as though she were trapped in a world that would swallow her whole

because it knew she was not worthy.

St. Paul?s was a world unwilling to change without a fight. It was one that was out

to change it?s students. Cary and St. Paul?s were stuck together like Chinese Finger

Cuffs. Both were trying to pull away from the other, resisting the change that would

happen to them if they were to come together. The constant pulling, however, only

brought them closer together, and in the end both were changed.

From her St. Paul?s education Cary did get the credentials she needed to move on

to a successful college career and life. Having St. Paul?s behind her, having survived, and

having made her mark gave her the power and confidence that she could do most

anything. Cary also learned ?Grace? at St. Paul?s. A quality she was not looking for, but

found just the same. She learned that change was not always a bad thing and that when

people accepted her it was a good thing. She didn?t have to try to be different just to set

herself apart, that came with hard work and dedication.

While at St. Paul?s Cary also got an education in family matters. This was a

lesson she did not intend to learn while being away, but it was one that couldn?t be

learned at home. From her family she learned what it was like to move on. To back away

from her parents marital problems, as it was something she could not change. She learned

what it was like to be an outsider in your own family, and she learned the shame of

wanting to let go.

In the end Cary did end up with want she had come to St. Paul?s for. She just got

it without knowing it at the time. She got her credentials, self-confidence, and power by

making it through. Along with these things Cary gained life experiences that were

irreplaceable. In my opinion she came out of St. Paul?s with more than she ever thought

she would.