First Date Essay, Research Paper

Surfing the singles scene can be an extremely time consuming and often frustrating pursuit of love, especially if you are unsure about how to make the first step.

While I can’t give you a “magic formula” that guarantees success every single time, I can give you some basic guidelines on how to proceed, and hopefully succeed!

When you see someone you would like to ask out, the first barrier you’ll need to overcome is actually starting a conversation with them. This stage is a lot easier for women than it is for guys. This is the most tricky area as first impressions count – a lot! Guys are almost always just automatically interested when a girl comes to talk to them. Women, however, are not. They usually make up their mind on whether they want anything to do with you almost before you even open your mouth. Therefore, the first step, and this goes for both males and females, in asking someone out is to be presentable and project confidence.

Presentation and Confidence

People very often make pre-judgements on whether you are, or aren’t their type by how you are dressed and how you look overall. If they perceive that you are, for want of better wording, on a lower level than them, it can be a very difficult objection to overcome. One rather extreme example of this would be if you were dressed as a punk with a mohawk, nose ring and all the accessories that go with that image, and you tried to approach a person who was dressed in a fairly expensive business suit that oozed sophistication, it would be very unlikely that you would stand any chance at all with getting to know them. It’s not that there is anything wrong with the way that you look, but its more that they don’t feel that you are an appropriate “match” for them. The above example really just serves to illustrate a point: approach someone that looks like they may have a something in common with you by their dress and appearance.

The second thing I mentioned above, is confidence. Without it, you are more likely to make a fool out of yourself than start a relationship.

Now that you have selected your “target”, the next step is to actually talk to them. The first piece of advice I would give you on this is to forget every “canned” pick up line or approach. The whole thing could fall apart right here if you flub the conversation starter.

Selecting A Conversation Starter

One approach in selecting a conversation starter is to really look at the person and find something interesting about them, and then comment or ask them about it. When doing this, take the time to really notice them. Look at things like their mood and personality. Are they happy and outgoing, or bored and shy? If they are looking around the room, what kind of things catch their eye? Are they wearing something, or carrying something, that would give you a clue about their interests? The better you do this, the better your chances of striking up a really good conversation with them. The more they perceive that you have in common with them, the greater the potential success of your approach, both short and long term!

When you do go and talk to them, however, try to be as original as possible and choose a topic that you have some knowledge and/or interest in. Be careful not to betray your lack of knowledge of what you are talking about or come across as stupid. This is where confidence also plays a huge part. Also, if during the course of the conversation, they ask you a question that you know nothing about, have the confidence in yourself to let them know. Don’t try to bluff your way through it.

Another thing to remember is to be yourself. Don’t try to impress them by being something you are not, or by showing them something you think they want to see. Show them who you really are. The strongest and deepest bonds are built upon honesty and integrity. People often instinctively know if you are putting on a facade or not. Whether they choose to recognise that they know is another story. However, at some point sooner or later, they will!

First Date Ideas

What would be your idea of a great first date.

+ Go out for dinner then a movie. Having dinner together lets you get to know them better while watching the movie together provides the perfect atmosphere to just get used to them without having to talk too much.

+ Go out to eat, sit and talk and give a small kiss goodnight.

+ Have a picnic at a lake under the moonlight.

+ Walk along the beach at night.

+ Have dinner, watch a movie and end the night by playing video games at a local arcade together.

+ Holding hands while walking in the park, getting to know each other.

+ Just have sex.

+ Go out to eat, watch a movie, have a moonlight walk on the beach ending the evening with the perfect kiss.

+ Go out to dinner then spend time together at a coffee shop getting to know each other.

+ Laying by the fireplace with romantic music and candlelight getting to know each other.

+ Go out dancing together.

+ Have a candlelight dinner, dance under the stars followed by a romantic stroll.

First Date Do’s and Don’ts

Do

1. Make your partner feel comfortable.

2. Keep the conversation flows going.

3. Be an interesting date.

4. Laugh at their jokes.

5. Be on time.

6. Be yourself.

7. Talk about their interests also.

8. Be a romantic.

9. Be confident.

10. Show respect to your date’s wishes.

Don’t

1. Talk about yourself all night.

2. Be late.

3. Talk about an ex-relationship all night.

4. Eat with your mouth open.

5. Try to be something you are not.

6. Show disrespect for your partner or their beliefs.

7. Forget to thank them for the date.

8. Pursue sex after your partner has said no.

9. Propose marriage or kids.

10. Ask too many questions.

Sex On The First Date?

One of the most awkward experiences a person can have is at the end of a first date. Do you kiss and go home or do you “go upstairs for coffee?” The question of whether or not to have sex on the first date is something that is hotly debated. Listed below are some pro’s and con’s on the subject, followed by some advice on things to watch out for.

Pros of first date sex

+ Possibility of great sex.

+ It reinforces the feelings you have for your date.

+ It shows whether the two of you are sexually compatible.

+ You don’t have to part at the end of the night if you really like each other.

Cons of first date sex

+ Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

+ It could turn out to be a one-night-stand.

+ You don’t typically know the person after just one date.

+ It may be against your religious or moral beliefs.

+ Your partner maybe a psycho (especially if this is a blind date).

+ Your partner may think you are easy and devalue the entire experience.

Now, apart from the above, there is also the question of self-indulgence. Do you want to sleep with your date just to have sex? If that is the case and you don’t care if it turns out to be just a one-night-stand (and it is not against any religious or moral beliefs that you hold dear), then that is ok, as long as you are careful. However, if you expect to have a relationship with this person just because you slept with them, then don’t do it. My advice is that if you want to go out with this person again and develop a relationship with them, then hold off on having sex the first night. Take it a little slower and see how things develop.

Now, having said all that, it is a personal choice and if you decide not to sleep with your date, then listed below are a few things to watch out for so that you don’t end up in a potentially embarrassing, or dangerous, situation.

+ Beware of back rubs or massages. These are generally a part of sexual foreplay and very often lead to sex.

+ Do not allow them into your home at the end of the date or until you are ready to have sex.

+ Don’t assume that just because you said no that your date will stop trying to sleep with you.

+ Don’t lead them to believe that you will sleep with them. If necessary, tell them where they stand.

Conversation Starters

When you’re meeting or talking on the phone with someone for the first time things can be a bit awkward. Handle any potential unwanted silences with this handy list of conversation starters! If you have a question or comment not listed below, add it to our list using the link below!

How was your day?

You look really nice, where did you get (item in question)?

How was work or school?

What movies have you seen recently? How did you like them?

If in their car or home, find an item of interest and comment about it.

What did you do this weekend (week)?

Ask if they saw a favorite TV show or sporting event.

Ask about a local current event. (Did you see ‘item in question.’)

What sports do you play or like?

Have you been to (a local restaurant).

Where are you from?

Where did you go to school/college?

Have you read any good books lately?

What do you normally do for fun?