Love Essay, Research Paper

OLDEST CHILD

After learning about Adler, I have discovered that I am more or less a typical oldest child. Behaviors and habits that I have, have been explained by the fact that I am an eldest child.

In day-to-day life I find that I appear to be more responsible than others. I tend to think of what my lack of responsibility will cause and there for take my responsibilities seriously. I also find that I tend to be more serious than people my age. Even when I was in elementary school and we had to learn sex education and all the kids would giggle, I was able to focus on the fact that the teachers needed us to be serious and act mature for the hour or so they needed. I also find that with my ability to be serious, I sometimes have the downfall of taking myself too seriously. At home I am able to act like a total nut case, but the moment that anyone slightly teases or criticizes me I get defensive and upset. Due to the fact that I was “dethroned” by my younger sister, I sometimes fell neglected or unloved by my parents. Whenever they are moody or just don’t want to talk, I get into argument with them about how I’m so hard-done-by because they don’t love me. It may seem like I’m just being a baby or a whinny, but these are genuine feelings that I have. In these circumstances it is hard to realize that their attitude in not necessarily directed to me or my fault, it is just how they are feeling on that particular day.

In my family I am regarded as ‘the actress’ and receive more attention from it. Early in my childhood I received lots of attention because I was the first child, grandchild, and niece, and through acting I get to retain that attention that was taken when my sister came along. Now when I say acting, I do not mean the auditions and things I go to, I mean my day-to-day acting that I use to regain my mother’s attention. I find that without realizing I will over-dramatize most situations. I am constantly turning my family’s lives into a day at the theater, whether they like it or not.

I also get a lot of attention due to the fact that I get to do things first. As I do things for the first time my parents are also going through new experiences too and therefore become more involved. By the time my sister gets around to doing them, my parents have already had the experience. I don’t want to say that they are not interested in my sister’s life, it’s just that they learn when I went through it, so with her they are more prepared.

Now even though I can act like this at home, you would never catch me doing it anywhere else. I used to be extremely timid in public, even more than I am now. It’s not that I was scared of people; I was just self-conscious and reserved when I didn’t know them well. One example is that if I couldn’t find something in a store, rather than what I perceived to be bothering a salesgirl, I would search for it myself, or just give up. I have worked a lot on not being as shy and now I care a lot less of what people think of me and are able to be more outgoing that I was, even if most people don’t perceive asking a salesgirl for help as outgoing.

Because I am the oldest my parents are a lot tenser with me than they are with my sister. When I was in grade seven I was not allowed to go to the PNE with my friends and no adult. However by the time my sister was in grade seven she was allowed to go. This, I think, is due to the fact that I am sort of their gunny-pig for parenting. They were never parents before they had me so they sort of need to test their ideas out on me. By the time my sister wants to do the things I wanted to do my parents have relaxed so they let her do things earlier than I ever could. At times I find my parents rules to be completely unfair. A lot of people I know say that if their parents had the unfair rules that my parents do they would just ignore them. When I think of this I realize that those who say this are not the oldest child in their family. I never flat out ignore the rules or punishments my parents set down for me. Even though I will complain and argue about them, in the end I accept them.

Even though there are many downsides to being the eldest, there are also many bonuses and because of them I would not want to be in any other position in my family other than the oldest child.