Intimacy Problems Essay, Research Paper

Intimacy Problems

Cherie has a perfect life, so it seems. She is successful in the workplace, lives in a gorgeous house, and has a handsome, devoted boyfriend who wishes to marry. However, due to her lack of intimate knowledge, she is negative about her life. Nothing seems to satisfy her because she does not know how to communicate how she truly feels (Negaholic 45). Even though this is a hypothetical situation, many suffer from similar situations causing more lives to be unhappy and unsatisfying. According to the Surgeon General, the Detroit Free Press states that one in every five Americans will suffer from some type of mental disorder in any given year and half of all Americans will come in contact with a disorder sometime in their lives, but most will never seek treatment.

Statistics also show that 22 percent of the population in the United States has a diagnosable mental disorder, which happens to be the second leading cause of death, next to heart disease (Free Press). Those who suffer, especially those who have troubles with intimacy do not even realize that they have a severe medical condition or that there are treatments to help curb and solve these strange situations. Many feel that psychotherapy has been over-rated and too publicized to be true, while others feel that there are not enough therapists in the country available to all that need it. More people need to seek therapy or read self-help books to increase their knowledge of intimacy so that marriages, families, friendships, careers, and one’s self may be improved and satisfactory.

True, the cost of therapy is expensive, and many insurance policies do not cover mental and emotional treatments. However, many specialists offer different payment options. If an insurance provider is cutting costs or offering less benefits than in previous years, those who are covered by these particular companies may want to check the quality of doctors who take a particular insurance

company (Knife). Therapists offer alternative payment methods to those with out health insurance or lack of medical benefits. Twenty percent of all therapists are now accepting credit card payments (Transform 1). According to a survey released by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), most therapists are rapidly adapting to the realities of managed care and taking them one step farther – delivering a fuller range of health services to an incoming number of patients (Transform 1). More than two-thirds (68 percent) of therapists now offer evening appointments and nearly one-third (32 percent) offer weekend appointments (Transform 3).

Admittedly, many have a great fear of sharing their personal lives with those who are strangers to their world. Nevertheless, situations and feelings discussed during a therapy session are completely confidential. Those who fear opening up what may be a dark closet, also fear that others will learn about their emotional and mental disorders. However, these certain people could not be more wrong.

Dr. Stephen Barret, M.D. stated in his article of “Mismanagement of Therapy”:

Every state in the U.S. have forced the law of

Confidentiality to protect patients undergoing

therapy. Doctors are not allowed to discuss their

Patients with anyone, even if a crime has occurred.

The doctor must ask for the patients’ permission to

Release information about the treatment being

Received. However, if the doctor feels a crime may

Occur, the patient will be admitted to a psychiatric

Hospital with no objections allowed to be placed by

the patient.

Dr. Barret further states, that if the doctor does release any information and the patient realizes he did, the doctor will loose his medical license, be heavily fined, and the chance of being sued by the patient (Mismanagement).

Many who aware that they may need psychological help are not aware of the conditions stated above. When a patient first meets with their doctor, the rules of a patient-doctor relationship are explained immediately and thoroughly. The patient is also handed a pamphlet, which clarifies the medical rights and laws pertaining to mental health treatment in the state of which the patient is receiving medical attention (Mismanagement).

Granted, facing the true inner-self, which one usually hides, is always a frightening experience. However, knowing one’s true self can only make life a bit more pleasant. If people could ignore celebrities so called “perfection,” more would realize their inner-self quicker and easier. As Susan Bordo, author of “Unbearable Weight” stated:

We do not see behind the scenes of perfection. We do not see Cher’s surgeries, Stallone’s compulsive workouts, or models throwing up everyday. Then we begin to feel bad about ourselves, causing us to lose intimacy levels.

Losing intimacy can only cause there to be less communication between two people, which causes relationships to be left incomplete. There is a simple way to reverse, or correct, this situation: to complete every relationship in the past that was ended incomplete. To achieve this properly, one needs to engage in a revealing conversation with the other. This gives completion as well as practice for truth (Powerful). After relating to others, one can live optimistically in the future, instead of dwelling on past imperfections, and knowing more truth of how their brain works (Powerful 2).

Intimacy problems usually do not occur in friendships, but causes of intimate dilemmas with friends are usually due to loss of trust. In the Encyclopedia Encarta 1999, intimacy is defined as having a very personal and close relationship with another. While the loss of an intimate friendship could be both parties fault, one will more often than not, think about seeking therapy. Therapists who specialize in depression are more efficient in overcoming losses, no matter what the loss may be.

The therapist’s role is this situation is to move patients beyond their dispossession and help cope with the pain involved (Blazing).

Divorce could be one of the largest losses in one’s life, but it may not have occurred if the couple understood where most of their conflicts arose. In December 1996, there were 94,000 divorces reported in the United States, while just a year later in December 1997, there were 104,000 (Statistics). Ten thousand more couples faced the world alone in 1997, but the question is why? When a relationship becomes dysfunctional due to emotional conflicts, not only the family, but also employment, become destroyed (Improve). The answer is that too many women do not know how to communicate with men accurately. Contrary to what most women believe, men are not living without an inner emotional self. However, when a woman wants the relationship to be verbally emotional, it becomes burdensome to the man (Fears 220).

On the other hand, when a man does not communicate how they feel, she is likely to become depressed. This is a fact that most men are not aware of. Lack of intimacy –

whether it was laughing about an inside joke or making love – causes depression in women (Depression). It is true that women are higher at risk for developing depression than men, but most of these women suffer the diagnosis due to the loss of intimacy (Women).

Therapy is the only solution to this severe complication. Marital therapies are proven to be particularly effective with intimacy problems (Transform). Marital therapy has become one of the nation’s ways for learning how to communicate effectively. Divorce, one of the United States’ most bitter problems, is not taken as lightly in court as in the past. Ten states – Arizona, Illinois, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Oregon, and Washington – have made marital therapy mandatory before a divorce may become legally final (Saving).

To engage in intimate relationships, depends on communication skills, traits, values, beliefs, situations, and luck. Without communication skills, at least, neither of the two people involved will experience happiness.

More people need to seek therapy to improve relationships of all kinds. Interpersonal therapy focuses on current relationships to help deal with needs and feelings that sometimes go unrecognized and improve relationships by learning communication skills in 12-16 sessions. These sessions may be costly, and many fear opening up to a stranger, and fear of others knowing what is going on in your private life, but to save any relationship meaningful in one’s life – whether seeing a psychologist or reading self-help books – is the only way to preserve wonderful feelings. This may be the key to happiness, so use the key and unlock the door to the unknown.