Listening Essay, Research Paper

Listening Jiddu Krishnamuri once said, So when you are listening to somebody, completely,attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what isbeing conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. This is very true and occasionally peoplefind themselves not really listening to what another is saying. Listening is the processthrough which we understand, learn and help other people. It involves showing up,understanding, responding (verbally and nonverbally), and remembering. In order to showup a person must be attentive, in other words, pay attention. The next step in the listeningprocess is understanding. A person understands by making sense of the message he/shereceives from another person. It is the responsibility of the listener, not the speaker to makesure the message is understood. The next step in the listening process is responding. Responding does not always mean talking. It just means giving feedback to the speaker in away that they see and understand it. The final step in the listening process is remembering. Remembering usually comes with understanding however, this is not always the case. Mostoften, the messages that we do not remember are the ones we did not listen to. They are themessages that we only heard. Listening is very different from hearing. Hearing is when a sound wave strikes aperson s eardrum and cause vibrations that are then sent to the brain. Listening is theprocess that comes after that. Listening is the brain taking those messages sent from the earand forming them and constructing them, giving them meaning. Hearing is automatic;listening is not. Also, listening requires effort. Effort to understand and decode messagescorrectly. Hearing requires no effort and is a passive activity. In the conversations I had and observed, I occasionally noticed myself hearing andnot listening to the speaker. In our book, there are three types of listening listed:informational, critical, and empathic. Informational listening is the type of listening we usewhen we are trying to understand other people. Critical listening is the type of listening weuse when we are trying to evaluate the quality of a message so that we can decide if weshould accept it or not. Empathic listening is the type of listening we use when we are tryingto help the speaker solve a problem. In my first conversation (Appendix 1), I practiced mostly informational listening. As my mom told me the different things that were going on that weekend, I found myselfparaphrasing what she was saying in order to better understand what my responsibilitieswould be. I was trying to get some understanding of what was to happen for the days shewould be gone. I was also a empathic listener as my mom told me how worried she wasbout my grandmother and my dad and uncles. Instead of giving her my advice, I simplyprompted and supported her feelings until she came up with her own solution, one that shefelt would work best. I was trying to help her solve a problem. In my second conversation (Appendix 2), I was supposed to be practicing empathiclistening. However, I soon found my self practicing pseudolistening. I was pretending I waslistening to her while in actuality I was simply hearing her. I did however, occasionally offerher my advice as she did with me. Often during the conversation I found my mindwandering and I began thinking about other things. I would give the automatic uh-huh response most of the time there was a pause in the conversation. She was looking for advicefor what she should do about her problems and empathic listening is what was expected ofme even though I didn t exactly deliver. I advised occasionally but I did not prompt her orsupport her at all. In my next conversation, (Appendix 3), I was listening to a speaker during one of myclasses and I found myself trying to decide whether or not I should listen to them or not. Ipracticed critical listening for I was trying to decide whether or not to I should accept themessage. I did not agree with what the speaker was saying and I did find myself attackingthe speaker rather than the message in my mind. Also, I didn t feel the speaker was very intune with the times of today and so I kind of blocked out most of his message. I did notevaluate the speakers credibility, or listen before evaluating. I judged the speaker s ideabefore I heard the whole argument. I did examine the speaker s emotional appeals howeverfor I felt that his evidence was not recent at all. In my next conversation, (Appendix 4) the trainer was going over the things we hadlearned the previous day over, and over, and over and I was getting sick of practicing. Inthis conversation, I was supposed to be practicing informational listening but I was not at all. I was, in fact, practicing critical listening. I did not think that her message was of any valueand so I found myself talking to the other people around me and not really paying attention. I definitely was listening selectively because I only paid attention to the things that I feltwere important. My nonverbal listening involved looking at the clock constantly and notlooking at her or at the screen she was using. By using these nonverbal listening techniquesI showed her that I did not want to accept her message. In my next conversation, (Appendix 5) I practiced informational and empathic listening. My boyfriend was asking me for my advice and I was giving it. He also wasasking me to call people to invite them so I had to pay close attention to who he wanted meto invite. I made sure I asked questions, paraphrased and took notes so that I would becertain of exactly what my responsibilities were. When he asked, I gave him my advice andother times I simply affirmed decisions he had already made. I supported and prompted himto make his own decisions by my words and actions. My nonverbal listening included eyecontact, attentiveness and reacting with appropriate facial expressions. These actionsshowed him that I was interested and helped him feel secure in knowing that I would dowhat he needed me to do. In my next conversation, (Appendix 6) I practiced informational listening. I askedher questions about the assignment and she explained it to me. Since I was the one whoinitiated the conversation, I paid close attention to what she was saying and I maintained eyecontact through out. I asked questions and paraphrased to make sure I understood what shewas telling me. I also wrote down some brief notes to myself about the assignment in myassignment book so that I would be sure to understand the assignment when I came back toit. In my next conversation, (Appendix 7) I should have been practicing informationallistening but I did not do a very good job. During this conversation I was much moreconsumed with getting my food and getting to my next class than I was with what she had tosay. Once she mentioned what was on the menu for lunch however, I immediately beganpaying closer attention. I practiced selective listening by only paying attention the thingsthat interested me. I showed my inattentivness nonverbally by looking at my watch and notmaking eye contact. In my next conversation, (Appendix 8) I practiced empathic listening with my sister. She was talking to me about her date (or lack thereof) for Homecoming. She was asking myadvice because she had to pick between two guys who had asked her. I showed my interest

by prompting her and asking her questions such as, Which one do you think you ll have abetter time with? I also paraphrased what she was saying occasionally. I showed myinterest nonverbally by nodding when I agreed or understood what she was saying and bymaking eye contact. In my next conversation, (Appendix 9) I had a conversation with a friend of mineabout religion. I am a Catholic and he is an atheist. It was very hard for me to separate themessage from the speaker in this case. I practiced critical listening but not very goodlistening. I did not think that he was an authority for his side of the debate and I foundmyself judging his ideas before I fully understood all of his arguments. I showed mydispleasure by raising my voice occasionally and acting agitated and fidgety. I was also veryimpatient. I also got defensive and felt that he was attacking me instead of offering me adifferent way of looking at things. In my last conversation, (Appendix 10) I was back at Miles Kimball answeringphones and taking orders. I had to practice very careful informational listening. Each ofthese conversations was very important and I found myself paying close attention to what thecustomer was saying. I frequently found myself verifying information given to me and insome cases, writing things down so that I could make reference to them later. I did not letany outside noise distract my attention so that I could provide the best possible customerservice. In most cases I think I am a pretty effective listener. At least, I am and effectivelistener if I want or need to be. The kind of communication situations in which I am mostoften an ineffective listener are situations in which I already know the information beinggiven to me and situations in which I am not at all interested and/or impatient with what thespeaker has to say. I think that this is common with all people. Appendix #1 The first conversation I observed was between me and my mother on Oct. 1 ataround 7:00 p.m.. My mom had called to tell me that my great-grandmother had just diedand she needed me to come home and watch my siblings while her and my father went to thefuneral in Indiana. The type of listening I did there was mostly informational. Theconversation was over the phone so there wasn t much nonverbal communication. As mymom told me the different things that were going on that weekend, I found myselfparaphrasing what she was saying in order to better understand what my responsibilitieswould be. I was also a empathetic listener as my mom told me how worried she was boutmy grandmother and my dad and uncles. Instead of giving her my advice, I simplyprompted and supported her feelings until she came up with her own solution, one that shefelt would work best. Appendix #2 Another of the conversations I analyzed was with my roommate. Sara and I werelaying in bed on Oct. 12 at around midnight discussing our problems and basically justcomplaining to each other. I soon found my self practicing pseudolistening. I waspretending I was listening to her while in actuality I was simply hearing her. I did however,occasionally offer her my advice as she did with me. Often during the conversation I foundmy mind wandering and I began thinking about other things. I would give the automatic uh-huh response most of the time there was a pause in the conversation. Appendix #3 The next conversation took place on Oct. 13 at around 3:00pm. I was listening to aspeaker during one of my classes and I found myself trying to decide whether or not I shouldlisten to them or not. I did not agree with what the speaker was saying and I did find myselfattacking the speaker rather than the message in my mind. Also, I didn t feel the speakerwas very in tune with the times of today and so I kind of blocked out most of his message.Appendix #4 On Oct 14 at around 6:00pm I was at Miles Kimball for orientation. The trainer wasgoing over the things we had learned the previous day over, and over, and over and I wasgetting sick of practicing. I found myself talking to the other people around me and notreally paying attention because I felt that I knew the things she was talking about so I didn tfeel like I needed to pay attention. I definitely was listening selectively because I only paidattention to the things that I felt were important. My nonverbal listening involved looking atthe clock constantly and not looking at her or at the screen she was using. Appendix #5 On Oct. 14 around 11:00pm I had a conversation with my boyfriend. We werediscussing plans for his upcoming Halloween party. He was asking me for my advice and Iwas giving it. He also was asking me to call people to invite them so I had to pay closeattention to who he wanted me to invite. When he asked, I gave him my advice and othertimes I simply affirmed decisions he had already made. My nonverbal listening included eyecontact, attentiveness and reacting with appropriate facial expressions. Appendix #6 On Oct 15 at 8:00am I had a conversation with my Spanish teacher regarding anassignment that I didn t understand. I asked her questions Abu tit and she explained it tome. Since I was the one who initiated the conversation, I paid close attention to what shewas saying and I maintained eye contact through out. I asked questions and paraphrased tomake sure I understood what she was telling me. I also wrote down some brief notes tomyself about the assignment in my assignment book so that I would be sure to understandthe assignment when I came back to it. Appendix #7 On Oct 15 at around 10:00 am I had a conversation with one of the lunch ladies inthe cafeteria. During this conversation I was much more consumed with getting my foodand getting to my next class than I was with what she had to say. Once she mentioned whatwas on the menu for lunch however, I immediately began paying closer attention. Ipracticed selective listening by only paying attention the things that interested me. I showedmy inattentivness nonverbally by looking at my watch and not making eye contact. Appendix #8 On Oct. 15 at around 3:00 p.m. I was having a conversation with my high schoolsister. She was talking to me about her date (or lack thereof) for Homecoming. She wasasking my advice because she had to pick between two guys who had asked her. I showedmy interest by prompting her and asking her questions such as, Which one do you thinkyou ll have a better time with? I also paraphrased what she was saying occasionally. Ishowed my interest nonverbally by nodding when I agreed or understood what she wassaying and by making eye contact. Appendix #9 At around 5:00 p.m. on Oct. 15 I had a conversation with a friend of mine aboutreligion. I am a Catholic and he is an atheist. It was very hard for me to separate themessage from the speaker in this case. I did not think that he was an authority for his side ofthe debate and I found myself judging his ideas before I fully understood all of hisarguments. I showed my displeasure by raising my voice occasionally and acting agitatedand fidgety. I was also very impatient. I also got defensive and felt that he was attacking meinstead of offering me a different way of looking at things. Appendix # 10 On Oct. 15 at around 9:00 I was back at Miles Kimball answering phones andtaking orders. Each of these conversations was very important and I found myself payingclose attention to what the customer was saying. I frequently found myself verifyinginformation given to me and in some cases, writing things down so that I could makereference to them later. I did not let any outside noise distract my attention so that I couldprovide the best possible customer service.