Aaron Barret Essay, Research Paper

Bio of Aaron Barrett (singer/guitarist of Reel Big Fish) – from official website

Little Aaron Barrett was born a very small 0-year old child on August 30th once. He was really tiny. He had a cute head and a soft button nose. He was wiggly. He liked breathing air. He was really, really cute and he had a mom that was a cute little blonde lady and a dad that had a big black beard. Sometimes they would take pictures of little Aaron Barrett because they thought he was so cute and they wanted to look at photographs of him being little someday when he was big. Little Aaron Barrett had brown hair. Sometimes he sang songs about being happy and other things like that. His voice was really cute, just like his eyebrows. Little Aaron’s daddy was an artist. He was a very good artist named Picasso Barrett. He never signed any of his paintings with his real last name so that no one would be able to find his unlisted phone number. Instead, he gave most of his artwork to his friend Pablo in France. So Little Aaron Barrett learned how to draw. He had crayons. Eventually he would learn to use Paint and other neat things to make art creations. When Little Aaron was in seventh grade he wore striped Gotcha™ shirts and shorts and he learned how to skateboard. He could even ride his skateboard without falling off sometimes! He was really happy about that. Little Aaron Barrett got a Shark™ watch. One day, Little Aaron Barrett became Medium Aaron Barrett. Medium Aaron Barrett was pretty nice. One time, Medium Aaron Barrett kissed a real girl! His sister was there. She made Medium Aaron Barrett kiss a real girl so that he would not be a weirdo. Medium Aaron Barrett’s sister was a girl too, but not the real girl that he kissed once. Medium Aaron Barrett decided that he was going to be cool one day. He learned how to play the guitar one summer. Then he went to his high school and started talking to people. He wore really nice shirts that had vivid colors all over them. He had a friend named Matt Wong. Matt Wong was really nice. One day, Medium Aaron Barrett and Matt Wong were hanging out and they decided to be in a band. Eventually they would learn to play their instruments pretty well, too. Then they met some other people and the other people could sorta play instruments, too. Then they went to some places. There was a time that they were eating squaw bread one day, and they decided that they wanted to play squaw music. They were really excited about squaw music because they really liked squaw bread. Fun times were had by all. Eventually, Medium Aaron Barrett got his heart broken once, twice, three times a lady. This made him pretty bitter. But he was still real nice. Medium Aaron Barrett was becoming Aaron Barrett, the Man. He played the squaw music like a fiend and danced around and did things and went to places.

Aaron Barrett, the Man was pretty frickin’ cool. Soon, Aaron Barrett, the Man met his best friend, Scott Barrett. Scott Barrett was not his brother, although he desperately wanted to be. Repeat: Scott Barrett is not Aaron’s brother. Scott Barrett was famous for doing amazing stunts on BMX bikes and for being an international playboy with gobs and gobs of money that he earned during a stint as a lion tamer. Aaron Barrett, the Man thought that was really neat, and totally wanted to be friends with him. So Scott proceeded to change Aaron Barrett, the Man’s life. It was a beautiful thing. Then Aaron Barrett, the Man went to go see Kara’s Flowers perform beautiful music. He had never been so excited in his life. They were his favorite! Aaron Barrett, the Man liked to eat taquitos. They were sooooooo yummy. Suddenly, Aaron Barrett, the Man met the love of his life! Her name was Diana and she was not only a Chinese Supermodel, but a British pop star and a Vietnamese B-movie queen. She was very pleased to become the woman in his life because she thought he was a real dreamboat. Aaron Barrett, the Man, had a really nice nose. The two lovers ran off to Europe during the summer of 1999 and secretly eloped, not to the surprise of their close friends and family. Then Aaron Barrett, the Man kept playing the guitar and began to play the piano. He dressed real nice because he and his Japanese wife were very into fashion. One day, they met Rikki Rockett, drummer of the greatest rock band ever to exist, Poison! Aaron Barrett, the Man would often shop with his drummer friend Carlos de la Awesome and Matt Wong, god of koknballz, while sipping on men’s-style coffee drinks and eating sushi. Aaron Barrett, the Man continued to keep busy fending off nominations for the U.S. Presidency and the screams and shouts of crazed, psychotic gerbil fans. Oh yeah, he made some records and stuff. Aaron Barrett, the Man, was really happy. He likes the Backstreet Boys.