Domestic Violence Essay, Research Paper

Why Women Stay

You notice your daughter has a bruised eye and a busted lip. You ask her what happened and she tells you that it was an accident. The next thing you tell her is to leave her husband. She doesn’t listen to you and the next time you seen her is in the hospital with broken ribs and a fractured skull. The most common crime against women is Domestic Violence. Domestic Violence is power and control. One person has more power and is able to control many of the aspects of the relationship. Domestic violence is also physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, intimidation, and isolation. The social problem is why women stay in an abusive relationship.

Men use various ways of physical abuse toward their spouse in many ways. Physical abuse is caused by shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, tripping, choking, pulling hair, arm-twisting, and by raping. Physical abuse creates low self-esteem in women. All of these are all causes of physical abuse by a man toward a woman.

Besides physical abuse, there is emotional abuse also. Emotional abuse could also be called verbal abuse. There are many types of verbal abuse, such as criticism in every way. Like for instant, shouting, swearing, blaming, putting down, making her feel stupid, and embarrassing her.

Domestic violence is believed to be the most common, yet least reported crime in the United States. It is the number one cause of injury to women. Drugs, alcohol, stress, or battered women provoking her partner do not cause domestic violence. “Domestic violence happens more than automobile accidents, muggings, and rape combined” (Slovut).

The problem of domestic abuse exists in our society because of the constant abuse that takes place in the household. In our country, over 4000 women in the United States are killed each year due to domestic violence. The problem of domestic violence crosses all racial, economic, and geographical lines. People really want to believe that the problem is in only certain communities, but it can happen to anyone. Most domestic abuse comes from people they know.

There are many facts about domestic violence. Forty-six percent of Americans continue to agree that men sometimes physically abuse women because they are stressed out or drunk. Usually men tend to take their emotional stress out on their partners. Men continue to tell their partners that they still love them after they already battered them. This makes the woman feel sorry for their husbands and it makes the women more intimidated to stay, rather than leaving because she feels bad.

“Studies show that women are more likely to be understandable over a man”

(Buss 10). This statistic proves that in a battering situation women won’t leave their husbands if they know they are suffering from emotional problems. Sometimes many women put their selves in a dangerous position by staying in an abusive relationship. This problem will continue to exist if women don’t realize what their husbands are putting them through.

Some say that battering is only a momentary loss of temper, but it isn’t because battering is the establishment of control and fear in relationship through violence. Others say that domestic violence is just a push, slap, or punch. It does not produce serious injuries. They are wrong because battered women are often severely injured. Twenty-two to thirty-five percent of women who visit medical emergency rooms are there for injuries related to ongoing partner abuse.

People believe that it is easy for battered women to leave their abuser. I think they are wrong because it is hard for a woman to leave. “Women who leave their batterers are at seventy-five percent greater risks of being killed by the batterer than those who stay” (Havelin 9).

Conservative studies indicate that men assault two million women each year, but experts believe that the true incidents of partner abuse are probably closer to five million per year. “Thirty percent of American women report that they have been physically abused by their husband or boyfriend at one time or another” (Gregorson 20).

Americans continue to believe that the majority of fellow citizens would do nothing if the man next door were abusing his wife or girlfriend. Eighty-four percent reported they would be concerned about their own safety if they tried to help in a specific situation of domestic abuse.

The number one reason why women do not leave their abusive relationship is fear. “According to the FBI, up to forty percent of female homicides in any given year occur when the women decides to leave the abusive relationship” (Halvorsen). Women fears are not unfounded. It is very important that the battered women expression of fear should not to be minimized. If a decision to leave has been made, a safety plan should be put in place. Since one of the major components of abuse is isolation, the battered woman often lacks a support system. Her family ties and friendships have been destroyed. This leaves her psychologically and financially dependent on her abusive partner.

The economic reality for women, particularly those with children are rough. This is especially true for women who have worked outside the home. Economic dependence on the abuser is a very real reason for remaining in the relationship. Public assistance programs have been drastically reduced and those that remain provide inadequate benefits.

Being a single parent is a stressful experience under the best of

circumstances. For most battered women, conditions are far from the best. The enormous responsibility of raising children alone can be overwhelming. “The abuser often threatens to take the children away from her if she even attempts to leave” (Walsh 32).

Many women may believe that her husband is sick and needs her help. The idea of leaving can produce feelings of guilt. As is consistent with the cycle of violence the abuser promises it will never happen again. The victim wants to believe that this is true but finds out later that it constantly never happens. Most women are still taught to be passive and dependent on men. In addition, women generally accept the responsibility for success or failure in their relationships. By this women believe that to leave is to admit failure of their relationship. This is the main reason why women don’t leave their abusive husband. They don’t want to believe that they failed in their relationship.

Women who are victims often keep their pain to themselves to avoid making their husbands beat them even more. “If an abusive person finds out that the problem that he is making gets worse he will continue to be abusive until the problem stops or gets better” (Hetherman). Some women also stay because they think their abuser is going to change after a period of time. Sometimes the abuser

makes promises that he will change if he gets help or claims to be sick, but will

eventually get over it.

All these promises of change the abuser makes usually never happens. The abuser was probably brought up that way from an abusive family. That is why the abuser cannot change from one day to the next.

My proposal to solve the problem is to make a better environment for battered women. By having money put aside for them, have better counseling, and shelters. Many women need a place to stay and they need to be financially stable. Battered women need to be taken care of better because they have know one to turn to. They lost their family and friends because of her abuser.

Most people who have never experienced abuse think a woman can just pack her bags and leave, but its not that easy. A battered woman must plan carefully for the day she’ll be ready to leave and keep safe. The reason for this is if the abuser finds out that the woman is leaving him. He can become violent and kill. “The first step is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline or any hotlines that are available. It’s important for an abused woman to talk with someone who understands what she’s going through” (Sims).

Next, she should pack a suitcase with a change of clothes and other personal items. Since money is likely to be a problem, battered women should start putting some away.

As a result to being abused, women suffer from Battered Spouse Syndrome. It’s being continually subjected to domestic violence. Years of abuse have made them feel helpless and fearful. Many women who are abused as adults were abused as children; they have come to believe that they deserve the abuse.

If a battered woman finds herself in the middle of a violent episode, she should stay alert avoiding getting backed into a corner. Also she should stay out of the most dangerous rooms, particularly the bathroom and the kitchen. These rooms are filled with easy weapons and hard counters on which she might hit her head if she’s knocked down.

The most often asked question is why women stay in an abusive relationship. We sometimes wonder why the most common question isn’t why does he batter. The asking of the question tells something about the answer. Women have traditionally been held responsible for whatever happens in a relationship. If society holds the belief that the woman is responsible for her own abuse, it is easy to see why the woman herself may feel at blame.

Women will often struggle to change to please the abuser, or try harder to be loving, in an effort to stop the battering. The control most batters have on victim it becomes difficult to find a way to escape the situation.

Often it takes awhile for a woman who’s been battered to realize that she has

to get out, but eventually she’ll see that no matter how often her abuser apologizes, he’ll hit her again. Many battered women need all the support they can get.

These are all examples of what happens in a household that is corrupted by domestic violence. All these examples show the importance of stopping abuse in the household so we won’t have to deal with these situations through everyday life. By putting money aside for these women who have been abused by their husbands we are helping them get their life back together. This will make them feel more comfortable to go out and make new acquaintances since they feel alone. The money will also help their financial support for themselves and their children. The program will give the abused a home so they will feel more confident to turn to someone for help when their boyfriend or husband abuses them. The counseling will provide emotional support in order to maintain a steady mind and not suffer from dramatizations.

Women need to be strong for themselves and leave their abuser. They can be killed if they do not leave. Love shouldn’t hurt and there should be no pain in a relationship. No matter how bad the situation gets know one deserves to get beaten up.