Britney Spears Review Essay, Research Paper

Dear Britney, Omigod, omigod,

omigod. Oh. My. God. Got your new album.

Love it! Seriously, it just rawwwwwks, you

know? After your first one, I was like, no way

she can top this. Ever, ever, ever. No way.

WELL, WAY! ?Oops . . . I Did It Again? is sooo

amazing. Where do I begin? I love how the album is

basically the same beat, the whole way through. You could

Tae Bo to this thing and never miss a punch. On most

albums, the beats are all mixed up ? slow song, fast song,

mid-tempo song. It?s confusing! With ?Oops? it?s like your

drum machine got stuck or something, but in a cool way.

And the album sounds a lot like your first one, ?Baby One

More Time,? so there?s nothing tricky to learn.

And you look faboo

on the cover. You were so

right to drop that whole

Catholic-school slut thing

you had working on your

debut. Don?t get me

wrong, it was really cool and sooo many kids totally ripped

it off and everything. I bet you scandalized a lot of nuns.

You go, girl!

SPINNING AND DANCING

But this new look is excellent. Are those leopard-skin

pants you?re wearing in the promo shot? And how about

that slinky suede vest with the brass buckles. Want one!

Even better is that latex red jumpsuit from your new

video, the one where you, like, spin through space and

dance around and flirt with an astronaut. I love how they

play it all the time on MTV. It?s like, I WANT MY

BRITNEY TV!

Even your album title is cool. And gutsy. I mean, there

are going to be sooo many smarty-pants out there saying

stuff like, ?Yeah, she did it again. She put out another stinky

album!? Or people will call it ?Britney?s Second Boo Boo,?

or some other dumb joke. Ignore them. You?re an artist!

This album is totally going to debut at No. 1 this week,

knocking that ?N Sync?s ?No Strings Attached? right off its

perch.

And it?ll do that because of the music. People forget

that about you. Oh, they say, she?s a ditz. She?s a

Mouseketeer. She lip-syncs in concert. She stole her moves

from Janet Jackson. Even her breasts are fake. (As if!)

BETTER THAN ABBA

Well, wait till they get a load of ?Oops.? The title track,

and first single, is great. The chorus sounds exactly like

Abba doing an aerobics video. Hey, they can?t sue you,

right? I mean Abba is from like Sweden or something, so

they probably don?t even have lawyers in this country. And

they?re old, those guys, so they probably won?t even hear

this song.

Even if they sue, big whup. Your?re way better than

Abba. Your voice is all moaning and stuff, and the music

sounds like it came right out of a machine. (Are there any

live musicians on this album? Message me.) Lyrics-wise,

some guy thinks you?re more than friends and you?re like

NOT! ?It might seem like a crush, but it doesn?t mean that

I?m serious,? you sing. And you make it rhyme. You rhyme

?crush? and ?serious.? Not many singers can do that!

And you cover the

Rolling Stones? ?(I Can?t

Get No) Satisfaction.?

That took nerve. Friends

must have been, like, ?Oh

Britney, maybe you should

stay away from one of the

greatest songs in rock

history. People will laugh at you.? You?re like, Whatever!

And your version is way better than the Stones? because

you can dance to it, you know? And it doesn?t have that

annoying guitar riff that just keeps repeating, over and over.

Instead, the beat is kind of like Michael Jackson?s ?Billie

Jean.?

Things get even better with ?Don?t Let Me Be the Last

to Know,? which was co-written by Shania Twain. The

country queen of bare midriff helps the teen queen of bare

midriff ? can you say ?genius?? And the song is totally

different from everything else on the record, because …

because …

?LUCKY?

Omigod, there?s so much more. On ?Lucky? you sing

about a miserable child star who?s beloved by everyone,

but bawls her eyes out, wondering ?If there?s nothing

missing in my life/ Then why do these tears come at night??

Is it about you? Who knows? The key is that people will

ask!

The whole album is so … edgy. Because you?re 18

years old now, and singing lines like ?I?m not that innocent,?

and wearing all those skintight bustiers and stuff. And then

you?re quoted in magazines saying how icky it is that men

fantasize about you, how that sort of freaks you out and

everything. It?s perfect. You come on all half-naked and

barely legal, and the next moment you?re like, ?Perverts!?

The virgin-hussy thing. It?s awesome and nobody does

it like you. Run with it. Don?t change it. And when you

record album number three, just do it again.