Personal Writing Essay, Research Paper

Why???????

It was a warm summer night, and I had just returned from my summer school

class. I was extremely upset with my mother for making me go to summer school when

I didn’t have to.

Every night I would storm into the dark house waiting for someone to notice that I

was home, not only was I home but I was upset. One night it was different, I was

actually happy because I had made friends in the class and I understood what was going

on. When I came home all the lights were on in my usually gloomy house and my mom

and step-father were drinking beer and watching TV. I was excited because I understood

my math homework and I wanted to do it right then, I didn’t care how drunk they were.

Although they weren’t sure what was going on they humored me and continued to try to

figure out what I was doing.

Eventually my mother went to bed because she was tired. I didn’t want her to go

to bed because I had this awful feeling in my stomach. I could tell by the way my

step-father was acting that I did not want to be alone with him. I did not say anything and

she went to bed. My step-father stayed up trying to help me with my homework. I knew

things weren’t right when he started rubbing my back. I have never felt so uncomfortable

in my life. He proceeded to do more things to me and I felt so helpless. I kept asking

him to leave me alone and he just asked why and told me I liked it.

In the mean time my mother was peacefully asleep in bed, totally oblivious that

anything could be going on. My step-father got up to go to the bathroom, and I went into

my mothers room. I told her I was tired and I wanted to go to bed. Just then my

step-father came into the room and told my mom that we were almost done with my

homework. He told her to tell me that I had to finish my homework with him, of course

she did. So I slowly stumbled my way back into the living room, back onto the evil

couch that I had to sleep on that night. My step-father continued to touch me and finally

I told him to go away, and that I hated him. He left and climbed into bed with my

mother.

The emotional pain that I experienced that night was so overpowering that it was

hard to believe. Once I was safe I laid awake on the couch and cried till I couldn’t

anymore. I knew that I couldn’t stay in this house anymore, not with him living there.

It was probably around 1:00 when I decided that I had to get out. I left a note for

my mother saying where I was going and if she wanted to know why she would have to

ask my step-father. I ran as fast as I could, with tears streaming down my face. With

terror in my eyes I approached my neighbors house, the woman who told me her doors

were always open. I went in and told her exactly what happened, she held me in her arms

while I cried and wished my life would get back to normal.

Back at home my mother found the note and called my neighbors house asking

what was going on. She came over and I told her exactly what happened. She said she

was going back to my house and I was going with her, I absolutely refused and spent the

night at my neighbors. I told her that I did not want her to go back in fear of what my

step-father may do to her, because of some past experiences. It turned out he didn’t do

anything to her, but when she asked him what happened that night he claimed he couldn’t

remember.

Since this happened last summer I have been to counseling and received help, yet

there is still a part of me that feels violated beyond belief. I am glad that I can talk about

this subject without crying, although inside I want to burst. Writing this paper has given

me the best treatment possible because I feel like I just took a ton of bricks off my

shoulders. Nothing can heal my pain because it is not like a scratch that will heal, it is

something only I know exists. You can not see this pain because it lurks within my

memories. But to this day I ask myself “WHY????”