Foolish Love Essay, Research Paper

Foolish Love

Throughout my life I have behaved in many of foolish ways due to the

emotion called love. Love is something I used to dream about as a child and

have grown to fear as an adult. Every person feels differently about love,

but because of David I hurt my parents, my self-esteem and ability to trust

people.

At the age of fourteen, I was not concerned with my parents feelings.

I did exactly the opposite of what they told me to do and did not think about

the consequences. When they found out I was dating a guy five years older

than me they tried to prohibit me from seeing him again. I was in love so I

made it possible to see David every time he wanted to see me. I would get

my parents to drop me off somewhere like the movies or putt-putt and he

would pick me up after they had left. I would sneak out of my bedroom

window and meet David down the road. I did not care if my parents found

out, all that mattered to me was seeing David. I blamed everything that went

wrong in my life on them. If David did not call me one night, I would

accuse them of taking the phone off the hook. If David was rude to me, I

would claim it was because he knew they did not like him. I would do

anything to ignore the fact that David did not love me. It took a while for

my parents to forgive me. I can only imagine what I put them through. I

just wanted to be loved by David so deeply, I hurt the people who actually

loved me the most.

Not only did I hurt my parents, I hurt my self-esteem to. I would

constantly criticize myself by thinking the reason David left me was because

I was not pretty enough for him. In my mind David was perfect and I was

nothing without him. I blamed myself for being so young and immature

when all along it was David who was the immature one. He would often

make jokes about my age as if it was my fault that I was younger than him. I

would lock myself in my bedroom and not see or talk to anybody for days at

a time. Eventually, I realized David was not worth all this pain and moved

on with my life but the scars will always be with me.

For me to learn to trust again has been the hardest issue of all. I had

all the trust in the world in David and he let me down. Everything he said to

me was a lie. When he said he loved me, I believed him. When he said he

would never leave me, I thought he really meant it. I find it difficult to be in

other relationships because I am constantly wondering if they are being

truthful. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he claimed he loved me

and I felt like I barely knew him. I have come to the conclusion that I am

scared to trust because I am scared of love. I do not want to get hurt again,

so I keep my distance from anything that could cause me pain or

disappointment.

Love has caused me to hurt my parents, and my self-esteem and

ability to trust people. I have heard people say love is the best feeling in the

world. I think I will just take their word and not chance it right now. I still

have a lot of healing to do before I am fully ready to commit myself to

anyone else.

Jenny Hobby

English 101

12:00-12:50

Foolish Love

February 4, 1999