Self Reflection 1 Essay, Research Paper

Self Reflection 1

Self-Assessment and Reflection Paper

Managerial Communication (COM 515)

February 6, 2001

Self Reflection 2

Self-Assessment and Reflection Paper

In the last seven weeks, I had an opportunity to look back and analyze the events that has shaped my life. This was a unique experience where I was emotionally comfortable enough to look back at life. I was able to objectively revisit many events that were often buried and too painful to face. I was free from the turmoil of emotional fears of failure, anger, regret and loneliness, which often clouded my perception. .

I was able to dwell on many pleasant and unpleasant events with more comfort and confidence. I accepted each event as part of life, regardless of whether it was a good or bad experience. I understand that life transpires even when we are not prepared for it, but more importantly, it is how we deal with circumstances that keep us going forward. For the first time, there was clarity and I became aware of two main points one was my life changing/challenging experience and the second was my financial growth.

My life has been a journey filled with challenging experience, which consist of some unfixable actions, like leaving home. I grew up in an authoritarian, religious environment where personal expression and freedom did not exist. Since I could remember, there was a constant pressure for me to conform into Indian Christian society. Over the years the burden of not being able to convey my feelings and endless demands grew to hatred and retaliation toward my parents. The day after my high school graduation, without letting anybody know I disappeared. I packed all my belongings and moved to Houston, where my friend had moved a year before. My moving was one of the greatest decisions I ever made, helping me to mature as an individual and to understand and experience a life that I never thought possible.

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One major guilty element that has plagued me is how I had deceived my parents and left them with a bag of fears and uncertainty. Without even letting them know if I was safe or without even trying to discuss my unhappiness, I vanished for three days. Those three days must have been the worst days of their lives. I was not man enough to stand up to my parents and express my discontent. Rather than to disentangle the issue by talking thing out with my parents, I became a coward and ran away.

Upon manifestation, I have learned a lot during that challenging experience, especially how to be an independent individual. I got my own place, bought a new car, and went to school full time while working full time. I supported myself financially, emotionally and mentally. Even though my move to Houston was the right one, I executed the move without thinking things through. I should have stopped being self-centered and thought of the pain and anguish that it would cause my parents. This life learning experience has been a double-edged sword, because it has taught me to stand up for what I want, yet on the other hand, sometimes running away is probably the best thing to do, which will help to clear clouded thoughts and refocus on my destination.

Play to Win by Larry Wilson introduces a simplistic, yet optimistic, method of viewing life. It embraces two fundamental views – emotional and spiritual maturity that allows us to evaluate who we are. ?Life is an adventure to be experienced, lived, experimented with and committed to.? (Wilson,1998, p.89) This statement alone tells us that we are in control of our lives. We all can choose dissimilar and painful paths to get to the safe place and that is okay.

When looking back, my second life-learning lesson came through financial growth. This growth was to some extent expected, since I was so lavish with cash. My

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financial motto was that money comes and money goes. I knew eventually, I needed to get a grasp on my foolish spending habit, but it spun out of control with each purchase. There were days where I would squander money like there was no tomorrow. I never planned for the future let alone on for the next meal. For the first time without my parents, with unlimited freedom in a new state and living the college experience, I was not concerned about money.

“A foolish man and his money are soon parted.” (Stanley, 2000, p.108) Within three years I lost everything. First the credit card companies started calling, then the phone line was disconnected, I was evicted, then my car was repossessed. Going out and having fun took priority over my own well-being. I had nowhere to turn; I was in a new state without my parents help. At the age of twenty-two with all my financial problems and with no one to help me, the only solution was to file for bankruptcy.

Upon reflection that was one of the scariest experiences of my life. Those were testing times hardship had conquered my life. I had no money; living paycheck to paycheck became the norm. Since I had no money, my friends and public transportation became my only source of getting to school. Paying for school, getting any kind of credit, or even writing a check became difficult. Many of times I wanted to return back to my parents. I learned how to be strong through financially tough times and how to never lose track of my expenditures.

Clearly identifying who we are is often a challenging endeavor. Each of us has a metal persona that ? I am perfect, everything I do is great and everyone else is wrong.? We as human beings, often get defensive to negative feedbacks and any kind of change is often a gruesome task to part take in. It is hard to accept difference of opinion. Plus, it

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takes a lot of energy, openness, and willingness to listen to positive or negative feedback from others. Therefore, I believe personal growth is a work in process for each individual that are willing to accept the challenge.

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References

Stanley, C. (2000). An in Touch Devotional: Into His Presence. Nashville: Thomas

Nelson Publishers.

Wilson, L. (1998). Choosing Growth Over Fears in Work and Life: Play To Win.

Texas: Brad Press.