Evelyn Lau Essay, Research Paper

Evelyn Lau is an author with which I can identify with. Her lack of humility

gives rise to self-awareness. She does not hide under a mask of sorrow, she

simply puts into words how she reacts and feels towards her life?s struggles.

She does not convey a deep sense of hostility or arrogance, but merely addresses

the conflicts through out her life with a graceful, honest manner. One can see

how Evelyn allows herself to let go of all inhibitions and ?secrets? through

each of her works. She can face her past, and acknowledge her pain, unlike most

people. Her ability to do this is what gives every person an identity they can

relate with; whether it be living on the streets, coping with a drug addiction,

or ?dealing? with a dysfunctional family. Evelyn, unlike most people, can

pin point her torment. Her father was the center of her universe (Details 3),

always loving, compassionate and with someone she could share her childhood

dreams. However, their relationship ended abruptly while she was only ten years

old. This severed bond caused her much grief. She longed for love and affection,

which her mother could not provide. Evelyn?s self loathing began while she was

a per-adolescent ( Details 2). Her fathers emotional passivity caused Evelyn to

destroy herself physically. She chose her body as her tool of destruction, for

she felt, no one could control her body, not even her neurotic mother (Details

2). I do not think that Evelyn blames her fathers lack of love, on the fact that

he lost his job(2). It seems to me that he lost himself, for he saw his daughter

as a young woman; not as a child. This realization may have been the reason he

faded from her life. He lost touch with Evelyn’s child hood, and couldn?t cope

with the idea that his little girl was now a blossoming young lady. His

selfishness caused her so much angst. She began to believe that her father and

mother both disliked her presence, as a part of their family. (Details 3). At

the age of nine Evelyn began reading Harlequin Romance novels(Details 4) as a

way to vicariously feel love. This ?love? enabled her to escape the harsh

reality that was her life. However ,?it ruined my idea of male female

relationships? (Details 2) Evelyn began to believe that women were supposed to

be weak, dependent creatures. And men were supposed to be older, handsome,

stronger, ideal mates for the weak woman. Her notions of this streered her

towards bulimia. Her bulimia took over her life. It was the one thing she

thought she could control, and the one thing she thought she could hide. But her

perfect vision was one where she could continue her weak womanly characteristics

(bulimia) and have a ?father figure? mend her emotional scars. Her longing

for love is what drew her to self-mutilation. In a sick sense I can see why she

might have done this. She longed for the father she had as a young girl, to

swoop her into his arms and caress her nightmares into oblivion. As a result of

little fatherly love, Evelyn began her search for lovers which she classified as

the ?father figure?, like those in the romance novels, ?I always had this

thing for older men…I look for father figures all the time…? (Details 2).

She openly admits that her search for men which can love her like a daughter is

a perverse one, and one which causes many problems in the relationship (2).

However, she continues this fantasy, and divulges her true feelings about

children ?I hate children…I can?t imagine getting pregnant and having a

child. I think that would be horrible..? (1). This quote reveals to me that as

a person Evelyn is selfish. She does not wish to share her ?fatherly? lover

with that of a child, for then both the child and the mother would be grasping

for the father?s attention. As I read through Evelyn?s works, I have come to

the conclusion that although she is able to pronounce her hatred she still has

many skeletons in the closet. She will not face her father to this day, allowing

regret, guilt, and anger to build inside of her (2). Evelyn had reason to feel

suppressed by her parents, but as a rising star one mustn?t succumb to the

idea that one?s past is fiction in one?s novel. And she has yet to reach

that pinnacle of understanding.