Cassie’s Diary Essay, Research Paper

LIFE SUCKSDear diary, ??????????? ??? Today I went to the market as planed, the

market was? well let?s just say I wish I hadn?t even asked to go. It?s like I

begged and begged to go market and it all just blow up in my face, I guess

that?s what you get, I shouldn?t have gotten all over excited? My bad I s?pose.

Just my luck swell. Me, big ma, Stacey and T.J. parked the wagon no where near

the entrance. Probably because of the racist comments we would get if we had

parked near. Big Ma had business with Mr Jamisson and left me, T.J. and Stacey

with the wagon. We?d been waiting for time and Big Ma was still with ole

Jamisson. We walked into that white fool, Barnet?s, store and T.J. gave him the

list. He started taking the order?. Same time bunch of white folks walked in

and Barnet OBVIOUSLY went to seeing them. Me and my big mouth? well what was I

expected to do?? Just sit there and take

it ? I told him straight? I stood up for my rights, not only for me but for the

whole black population, but he still had the cheek to throw me out. I would

have been happy to leave? but no !? he

had to kick me out? I mean I do have hands and feet and I ain?t disabled.I walked into the street when Miss Goody Two

Shoes?.Lilian Jean.. bumps into me and demands I apologise to her, which is

just about all I needed right then. If it hadn?t been for the confusion

earlier, I would?ve told her what for, but I thought? better just say sorry, even though I shouldn?t have. Then what

does she do but shove me into the road, with help from her father. I felt

totally humiliated, everyone was staring at me.I got up and saw Big Ma, what a relief, I just ran

to her feeling glad and wanting to cry, but that would have just made things

worse and make me look weak. I mean I saw Jeremy and he looked so?. So sorry

faced and embarrassed? I don?t blame him, there was nothing he could do. But

what his dad did was wrong and out of order. He made me apologise a second

time. What really made me mad was my own grand mother didn?t stand up for me. I

was deeply hurt, I felt sick to my stomach and my eyes kept filling with water

which I tried desperately to hide.Looking back at it, it still hurts, normally when

you look back at stuff you laugh at the sillyness, but I still want to cry.We got back into the carriage and then I couldn?t

stop the tears anymore. No one said a word, everyone was very quiet all the way

home.One thing that cheered me up was my uncle Hammer

came?. But me and my big mouth again.. I told him what had happened and he

stormed out the door and jumped into his Packard, luckily Mr Morrison jumped in

with him.When they went Mamma explained everything to me. I

had done something wrong? I stood up to racism?.so what?s so wrong with that

?? Now I understood everything?. The

inequality in race?.. why the whites have a bus and we don?t?. the Berry?s

burning?. The books?? now everything made sense.I feel cold inside?. I have shivers?. I?m scared?..I

don?t wanna sleep?.?? It?s not safe?.. I

can?t sleep.? What am I gonna wake up to

?? Nothing is the same anymore.