Venus And Men Essay, Research Paper

Mars And Venus

I am following up on the book of , “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” by

John Gray. “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” was been a very interesting

book. The book brought up some very interesting facts about both sexes. While also

remaining very general to cover basically everyone and simple for everyone to understand.

So simple in fact that I saw everything in there as being common sense; but also at the same

time being hidden from the obvious senses.

In the past the news has done interviews with John Gray and his recent students. It has

basically shown that whoever who has gone to John Gray for advice in a troubled

relationship has came out as basically a new couple. I find it hard to believe for one man to

have all the answers. Also why is he seems to be the only one with the answers? Why are

all the other men in the dark about women? Why are so many women in the dark about

men?

Now I will look into the book to see just what makes John Gray so good in the field of

opposite sexes. I am just going to sum up the points in the book. Right off the bat Gray

states that we men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Gray states out the

tendencies Martians tend to have. Also he states out how the Venusians are like in their time

in Venus. But the interesting part is he states out these qualities by giving the two different

stories of origins. Gray lets us know that “Martians” and Venusians are of two different

species. And that to start loving one another we have to except these differences and learn

more about the other race.

One difference is Martians and Venusians speak different languages. “The Martians and

Venusians languages had the same words, but the way they were used gave different

meanings.” (pg. 59) Miscommunication. John Gray shows a very obvious point of why

men and women sometimes have such hard times getting along to each other. We men tend

to take things too literally and anything else we take as an attack against us. Women tend to

say sentences which have deeper meanings. Some of the phrases men easily misinterpreted

are: “We never go out.”, “You don’t love me anymore.”, or “The house is always a mess.”.

And for these phrases we have some dumb response like, “ We just went out last week.”. In

telling people that both sexes speak two different languages I can see how Gray is helping

couples out. Gray is in fact in encouraging people to be more sensitive to their mates and to

be very communicative. Also to try to be more understanding of their partners when there is

something troubling him/her. I say Gray gets one point for bringing up such a good point.

Onto another point I award to John Gray. John distinguishes Martians and Venusians

have very different cultures. There are things in which guys do that the does not interest the

female and vise versa. I agree with John on the point that men usually like to solve their

own problems. It makes a male feel needed and useful. Women on the other hand like to

talk out their problems. They don’t actually need people to help solve their problems; but

people to hear them out. In one of the sections John said that guys are generally “Mr.

Fix-its”. With this pointed out to me by John Gray I can now see why fights break out.

When a women has a problem she would probably go to her mate to hear her out. Being the

“Mr. Fix-its” we are we try to solve her problem right away by disrupting her with advice.

So in time the natural phrase from the Venusian is, “You don’t listen to me.” Of course the

male just thought that he was paying attention and helping her out. But with this line the

Martian is probably on the defensive end now because the Venusian now made an attack on

him. And a big mess could get started. Understand this concept the Martian has got to learn

on how to just sit, listen, and support his Venusian counterpart.

On the other hand John also tries to explain to the Venusians that Martians need their

space. Martians can not be forced to love according to John Gray. “Men are like rubber

bands.” I am not sure about this theory of Gray’s. I have not seen anybody feel that way

yet. But it is probable true. According to John the more you try to love your Martian and

the more you try to make your Martian love you the more you push your Martian away.

But if you let your Martian move about by himself then like a rubber band he will naturally

come back to you. I know I need my space but I have yet to experience finding it hard to

love back if she is really close to me. But I think John’s rubber band theory implies the

feeling of over commitment of some men. I think when a Venusian starts to hint to the

Martian about their future together is forced love. If it is so I can see why a Martian would

want to back away. Marriage is a big step. Or if the Venusian is trying to take time away

from Martian bonding I can also see why the rubber band theory applies.

So a valuable lesson is learned hear by the Venusians. But this is a tough skill to handle.

How much time is enough time? John Gray didn’t say. I guess it depends on the couple.

Basically the other part in the book is teaching the Martians and the Venusians how to

communicate. Which I think is very vital in every relationship. He also gives hints on how

to keep the spice in a relationship. After reading John’s book and evaluating it through

research and questions I find John a strong man in what he is saying.

To find out if this man seems to know all the answers I did a little research myself. Just

to see if John Gray is as accurate as he says he is. My test was very simple and should not be

at all intensive enough for any adequate information to be taken from it. I came up with a

list of qualities in which a person in general would want in a relationship. The qualities in

the list are: physical appearance, honesty, support, love, fun to be with, energetic, loyal,

friendship, romantic, intelligence, goals, self-esteem, and personality. I also asked for any

additional comments they had to put into my research. I will not give any names out

because these are my personal friends and I do not wish their privacy to be intruded upon.

The information given to me was to only be known by me and to be used by me and not to

be used for any other means. There is a major flaw in my person research. Even though the

facts are stated as they are my fall out is I can’t make anybody tell the truth. I can only take

what they have said and use it as facts in my report even though they are lies.

Results in my research are different as night and day. On a grand average the guys way

of listing is very different from the girls. My hypothesis going into the research is guys

would rate physical appearance higher on the list than the girls would. So it was no real

surprise to me when I found my hypothesis to be fairly accurate for the limited number of

people that I had. On average the guys always ranked physical attractiveness at the top half

of the list. I also had guys who ranked as their number one and number two in their list. In

all the guys I only had one John Dough who was willing to give up physical appearance.

John Dough is one of the reasons why I said my list could be false because of people

choosing not to tell the truth. As a friend I know John Dough likes a girl who is very

attractive to the male heterosexual’s eye. I’ve got some pretty interesting reasons why

physical attractiveness is so high on the list. Some were,” It is the deciding factor on if you

want to get with the person or not.”. “It is the first thing you notice about a person. It is also

the first thing that gets you interested. Only after that then does personality comes into

play.” Of course being a guy I find this perfectly understandable. Also I see the reasons as

being perfectly logical.

On the other hand, the girls almost always ranked physical attractiveness as in the bottom

half of their list. The girls tend to go with what personality that seems to makes them the

most happiest. It is not to say that all girls are perfect. Every once and a while some of the

more weirder types of qualities came up. I shouldn’t say weirder qualities since it almost

looks like almost every answer should be on top. From the lists of the girls I can also

understand the male side of why are women so hard to understand. The varieties the lists

varied in. I mean no two girls was the same. Each had qualities that they could not do

without. No first pick was the same for the girls I had in my test. The only common ground

I could link all the lists to. Generally girls are more interested in the guy’s personality than

in a guys physical appearance.

Even though there was a vast verities of answers to my survey there were a few that had

almost always stayed near the top of the list. With love as always ranking near the top and

the honesty and support probably coming in for a tie for second. But the real trick is not

from picking from what’s first in mind but what is important in a relationship. What I mean

is what can’t a relationship do without? The ones that can not be cut out are the ones that

are crucial to the relationship.

In the end John Gray has proven himself enough to me to see that he is truly a Martian

who knows what he is talking about. It just doesn’t fail to amaze me that he knows so much.

But is it because John knows so much is because he can sit around and think about it.

Would it be easy for him if he had to apply his own ideas to himself? I don’t know. Talk

and action are two entirely different things. Or maybe his Venusian relationship is going

extremely well because he knows his grounds. Well after my survey done all I can conclude

is “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

John Gray, Ph.D.

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc,., 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022