Maintaining A Healthy Relationship Essay, Research Paper

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

For the past four months I have been in my most promising relationship, yet. But sometimes things go nuts and it feels like there is nothing I can do about it. So I thought I would check out what goes into a healthy relationship. I found a variety of qualities, but I?ll keep it simple. Remember the 4 C?s. You must be courageous, care enough, communicate effectively, and be creative. Once you get these down, your relationship will be deemed healthy, by the relationship gods.

In an effort to overcome his fear of rejection, Jonathan Robinson (2001), a psychotherapist and frequent guest on Oprah, decided to plow right through his fear. He gave his friend $50 dollars and told him to keep it until he came back with ten rejections from girls. His first attempt proved fairly pathetic. His prospective date asked him if he needed an ambulance. Shaking and sweating, Jonathan proceeded to ask her and the next five girls out. With each rejection, he knew more of what to expect. Then he got a yes, followed by eight more. He realized the key to overcoming one?s fear of rejection was to set it up so that getting rejected was seen as a success. If this sounds too scary or difficult, you?re probably a good candidate for it (1).

So the next time you?re out, go for it. What have you got to lose, but a single, lonely life? Now you have a date, but how do you make it last? For starters you can continue being that courageous person you know you are.

I Date Smart.com (2001), a website featuring Shari, a columnist on love, contains all kinds of information on being a good mate. ?Men, you are heroes. Accept nothing less from a woman than being ?her hero.?? Another expert writes, ?Growth demands a temporary surrender of security? (1). When we become involved with someone we have to open our hearts to them, making us vulnerable. It takes an incredible amount of courage, but true love gives you real happiness in your life.

I care about my girlfriend so much; I let us become friends for a while. She needed time to adjust to a big move and did not want the added stress of a boyfriend. I had to be understanding and supportive or I would lose her. As difficult as it was, I would do it all over again, if she asked me to.

When your special someone?s feeling down your attitude should never be, ?I?ll come back when you are feeling better.? You should be the one to begin the healing process (Ten Ways to Keep Love Alive, 1993, p.114). I know it is hard, but if your mate will allow it you need to be as close as you can. Just being there will comfort them. How would you feel if your man or woman came by when you were in a bad mood, but they stayed with you the whole time? You would probably be thankful, a ?good mood? feeling.

Whenever a couple gets in a spat, there is usually a breakdown in the communication process. This can take all forms. For instance you might misunderstand a word, a tone of voice, or even a gesture. The longer you are with someone, the easier it becomes to understand him or her. The mistakes will not be as frequent and you will be spending more time really talking.

One article goes on to say, ?You should not be afraid to discuss matters that may create conflict. If feelings of anger or jealousy rise to the surface, maintain your cool and get them out into the open right away.? It is better to tell someone they upset you and talk about it, than to hold it in until you pop (Ten Ways to Keep Love Alive, 1993, p.114).

You need to be able to consider the other person?s circumstances too. Imagine your day. It went perfect and theirs did not. You have to be understanding and meet them on their level without being short yourself. You have to be their best friend.

One of my co-workers told me about how her boyfriend left a trail of Hershey?s Kisses leading to their front door. When she flipped the light switch, nothing happened. Her man unscrewed all the bulbs! His creativity made her happy. You could see it in her eyes as she told me all about it. Even little things, like scattering love notes around can keep the sparks flying. Remember when you first started dating and you had to come up with something new and fun everyday?

I realize some of us don?t exactly have the creative juices flowing. There is help. Consult a Girl.com (2001) offers these insightful tips:

? Buy a balloon. Blow it up and write a letter to your beloved with a sharpie marker. After the ink dries, send it to your love.

? Copy your face on a copy machine and send it with a funny note.

? Hide post-it notes in a book they read often (1).

It is also important to keep date nights regular and frequent. Personally, I like nature. Here in Indiana, we have the Dunes to share with our loved ones. My sister spends time overlooking the city from the mountains with her husband. Wherever you are the stars will be above. Drive for a while, pullover, lie on the hood, and enjoy them. If you make a constant effort to renew your love for each other, you will always keep it fresh.

You never know when you are going to depart this big world, so take every good opportunity you are given. Someone is waiting for you and if you keep these four C?s in mind, you just might keep them! Since you have forgotten them already, I?ll communicate them to you again. Show yourself friendly. Show your caring spirit. Spice it up. Be creative. Don?t be afraid. Go for It. You have got the courage. I hope I have communicated effectively with you. Once you find your ?one true,? give them all of your heart, all of yourself. After all, you never know when you are going to meet them, right? Be ready!

References

10 Ways to Keep Love Alive. (1993, February). Ebony 48, p. 114.

Consult a Girl.com. (2001). Long Distance Relationships. Consult a Girl.com, p. 1, on the World Wide Web.

http://www.consultagirl.com

Robinson, Jonathan. (2001). How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection: The Successful Rejection Experience. Relationship-Talk.com, p. 1, on the World Wide Web.

http://www.relationship-talk.com

Shari. (2001). When You Find Love, Don?t Let it Get Away. I Date Smart.com, p. 1, on the World Wide Web.

http://www.idatesmart.com