Of How Much Value Essay, Research Paper

Younger

September 21, 2000

English (Sec.7)

Of How Much Value

Sara stares at the clock and counts each second that goes by. Every minute means on more minute of grief. She is not sure why she feels so down. She cannot understand why her own image of herself is so unattractive. Sara suffers from depression. Depression is a disease that causes a chemical imbalance in the brain resulting in a melancholy mood. This disease is a very young disease. It has only recently become known as a disease. These are all the things that had to be explained to Sara during her visit to the doctor, or in other words, a psychiatrist. She had been lacking a positive self-concept for years and has now decided that it is time to take care of it. Sara feels much anxiety and the fact that she is going to a psychiatrist at the age of seventeen makes her feel even more stressed out. She is very nervous long before it is time for her to attend the doctor’s office. Sara’s visit is successful. She leaves the office with a new vision of her life.

Sara keeps a journal of each day’s events. She tells about what happened and then how she responded to it. She also writes little poems that describe her moods. She only shares six of her journal entries out of thousands. Each one is personal to her, but she is willing to share six because they could help others understand themselves better.

Today was just another dull day. David, the guy who I really like,

Would not even look at me. I really do not understand why I am

on this earth at all. My existence means nothing to anyone.

None of my friends value our friendship nearly as much as I do.

What is my purpose? Where do I belong?

Sara is on the downside of her disease. She is in the depths of it. She looks upon the world as though she is not apart of it. She watches events and people evolve around her but never becomes the nucleus. Sara does not know herself. In her mind, she is an unidentifiable person. Sara once said, “I have no trust left in me.” Some would take that comment for what it is worth, but Sara means for it to go much deeper then just the words.

So, so you think you can tell

Heaven from hell

Blue Skies from pain

Can you tell a green field

From a cold steel rail

A smile from a veil

Do you think you can tell

Did they get you trade

Your heroes for ghosts

Hot ashes for trees

Hot air for a cool breeze

Cold comfort for change

Did you exchange

A walk on part in the war

For a lead role in a cage

How I wish, how I wish you were here

Were just two lost souls

Swimming in a fish bowl

Year after year

Running over the same old ground

How we found the same old fears

Wish you were here

-Pink Floyd-

Sara has had a tendency to write this song on everything she obtains, from her paper back books to a napkin in a restaurant. The song constantly sticks in her mind reminding her of her dreaded state of mind.

To whom it may concern:

Why must I live?

Why must I be here?

Take me away

To a place of reverence

I want to be happy

I want to be free

I want not to feel dread

I want to feel calm

I want the weather to be warm and comforting

I want to not be bundled up as I am in my own mind and body

Warmth shall set me free

Light shall heal my wounds

This dark only opens each wound further

Take me away to delight.

Sara’s depression usually takes itself to a worse state when it is wintertime. When she does not receive proper light from the sun her disease affects her more.

I have found myself in my own little world

I feel as though I am another soul

I have been taken aback from the evil spirit

It lifts me to a new horizon

I shall fly high to the bright, open skies

I am free to begin a new life.

Sara took herself to a doctor and was prescribed medicine that was to take away all her horrible feelings. She would look at her life in a whole new way when given this miracle drug. She asked the doctor if it was considered unfair to take such a medicine. This medicine would make her feel happier without any doing on her own part. Her doctor told her that if he had allergy medicine, and if he had asthma he would take an inhaler, and that this was no different.

Shine on you Crazy Diamond

-Pink Floyd

Taking Care of Business

-Bachman/Turner Overdrive

Satisfaction

-Rolling Stones

Free Falling

-Tom Petty

Songs mean everything to Sara, and she relates many of her feelings to different songs she is familiar with. She lets her emotions flow with music. Music is something that she feels inside.

Today was an exciting day. I asked David to go out

On the weekend and he was thrilled that I finally

asked him. I got an A on everything I got back from my

teachers and my friends could not get enough of me

Sara’s life was changed by the medication she was given. This is not to say that medication is the key to a happy life, but is to portray that when a person does something productive with what they feel they will usually end up with more successful results than if they just watch each day. There is one life to live and you have to live it in peace with yourself. Peace with your own self will enable you to have positive relationships with others. Depression is an unfortunate disease to deal with but there are ways to cope with it. Depression does not finalize a person’s well being. It is not a life sentence, unless you leave it alone instead of finding alternative ways to cope with it. Most importantly, Sara has conquered depression, an incurable disease.