Family And The Only Child Essay, Research Paper

FAMILY AND THE ONLY CHILD I have often wondered why, when I told people that my spouse and I have one child, their response is usually “only one?” or “are you having any more children?” Why do people view families with one child as different than the norm? These and other questions I have attempted to answer through my research on what it is like to be a family with an only child. I have learned a new term associated with being an only child. The term is “onlies”, referring to the child as being the only child in the family. In my opinion it seems as though our society has placed a negative association with being an only child. Many people consider these children to be at some sort of disadvantage. Research on this subject is mixed on this type of family situation. Therefore, I will cover a range of areas concerning only children. First, I will look at how trends and ideas about family size have changed. Second, I will discuss why more parents are choosing to have only one child and what they can gain from making this decision. Third I will look at the myths that surround being an only child. Then I will focus on the differences of only children and children who have siblings, and then I will close. With this in mind let’s turn our attention toward the changing size of the family unit. Recent figures from the National Center for Health Statistics indicate that the fertility rate for the entire American population has declined. Thirty years ago an only child was not the desire. Although there were exceptions, in most cases if a couple had an only child, something had intervened to prevent them from adding to their family. Was there something wrong with the child, something wrong in the marriage, or something wrong with the mother or father. In the past there were many reasons why people felt the need to have more than one child. Some of this reasons were: isolation, fear of the spread of disease, the polio scare. Today children are immunized against most childhood diseases and antibiotics are available for less serious illnesses. High mortality rates were also a factor in previous decades. Today we are not faced with the threat that took many young lives, such as smallpox and influenza. Not to long ago people had children for economic gain. They used the extra bodies to harvest the crops and milk the cows. Today there is no economic advantage to having a larger family. During the baby boom years, when the parenting tune was, “A boy for me, a girl for you,” the percentage of families with one child ranged between 10 and 13 percent. Today that percentage is around 41 percent of American families that have only one child. In contrast, 39 percent of American families have two children, and 20 percent of American families have three or more children. This same rate can be seen in European countries. For reasons both personal and practical more families are making the decision to have only one child. With this in mind let’s look at why more parents are choosing to have only one child and what they gain from making this decision. More parents are choosing to have only one child due to changing family patterns and economic concerns. New roles for women have also contributed to parents choosing the option of having only one child. In respect to the changing family pattern, divorce rates are at the 50 percent range, higher than ever before, and the tendency for couples to marry later in life have also contributed to shorter marriages and the potential for fewer children. In the realm of economic concerns, the fear of unemployment, inflation, and reduced family income are playing a role in the trend toward parents choosing to have smaller families. The majority of women are now employed before they have children. The benefits of this added income and involvement in careers may lead women to delay having children, therefore they will usually have a smaller family. Parents can gain many advantages from choosing to have only one child. There is reduced conflict in dividing time and attention among children, greater financial flexibility, and an even more closely knit family unit. With this understanding of why families are choosing to have only one child, let’s direct our attention toward some myths that surround being an only child. A family that had only one child was once long thought to produce special problems for the family and child. The “onlies” were viewed as selfish, egotistical, dependent, lonely, and unsociable. All this was assumed because they lacked the influence of siblings and got too much parental attention. These stereotypes and others have formed many of our nations notions about only children. Enlightened information, as we will see exists, but it has been slow to penetrate our society. As I said earlier, I am constantly amazed by how most people seem to think that there is something wrong with having only one child. Dr. Toni Falbo (1986, p.53) one of the country’s leading authorities on only children, suggests one reason why stereotypes linger is because human beings don’t like to think too deeply. When we think about other people, there’s too much information, too much variation. In order to cut down on the mental work, we tend to categorize and ignore parts of information. We assume we know more than we actually do. We say, Oh, only children are like that. Let’s look at some myths that have contributed to such stereotyping. It is a misfortune that there are so many myths that surround the only child. The opinions of many past experts do not stand up to today’s investigations. Let’s look at some of these myths. MYTH 1: Only children are shy. FACT: J. Kagan (1988, p.167- 171) conducted research of young children who were either extremely inhibited or

uninhibited. Conclusion was that there is a biological base, a predisposition for childhood shyness. Some of the factors that contribute to shyness in both children and adults are inherited. Only children were found to be the same in this respect as their peers who had siblings. MYTH 2: All only children have imaginary companions to compensate for their loneliness. FACT: Sharryl Hawke and David Knox (1977, p.110) argue that roughly one third of all children have imaginary friends at some point. They conclude that unless the child is excluding other children in favor of imaginary companions, there is no reason to regard the imaginary playmates as unhealthy. MYTH 3: Only children are spoiled. FACT: Psychologists and sociologists state that being spoiled is a reflection of our society. Expecting that things are coming to you, that you’re entitled to a lot, is a syndrome of well-to-do middle and upper class children. They are given the latest toys and computers and get chauffeured from place to place. This applies to all children, not just only children. MYTH 4: Only children have more emotional problems, are maladjusted, anxious, and unhappy. FACT: Five studies conducted between 1927 and 1967 show that only children are actually underrepresented among psychiatric clients. Dr. Falbo (1983, p.264) states there are no differences in emotional health among only and non-only children. There is little to justify all the accusations that only children are mentally unbalanced, spoiled, lonely, or shy. The reality is that an only child could develop any of the often attributed stereotypical personality traits, but so could an oldest, youngest, or middle child. All these social stereotypes exist without any grounding in reality. Unfortunately, simply because they exist, some people continue to believe them. By all current accounts, it seems as though past attitudes and current stereotyping is erroneous. With the reality clear let us now focus on differences of only children and children who have siblings. The results of investigations represent some differences between only children and children who have siblings. The results I will focus on are in the areas of intelligence, achievement, affiliation, popularity, and self-esteem. Although report findings conflict, only children, like first-borns, generally have been found to score slightly higher on measures of intelligence than younger siblings. The results of the testing may be explained by factors within the family. Such factors for example may be the parents’ providing an enriched intellectual environment. As in intelligence, achievement (both academic and other kinds) in only and first-born children appears to be slightly greater than for later-born children. In an attempt to explain, theorists have considered the relationship between parents and children. Presumably, achievement motivation originates in the high standards for mature behavior that parents impose on their only and first-born children. With these two topics covered, lets focus now on the remaining, affiliation, popularity, and self-esteem. Some research indicates that only children may be slightly less affiliative than their peers. Specific research findings have shown that only children may belong to fewer organizations, have fewer friends, and lead a less intense social life. However, these investigations have also noted that only children have a comparable number of close friends, assume leadership positions in clubs, and feel satisfied and happy with their lives. Research on the popularity of only children also has been mixed. Some findings suggest that, because only and first-born children have no older siblings with whom to interact, they acquire a more autocratic and less cooperative interactive style than do other children. Other research has indicated that likability ratings from same-sex grade school classmates were highest for only and last-born children. Again, researchers speculate that parents may play a role in the development of behaviors influencing peer popularity. Like peer popularity studies, investigations of self-esteem in the only child have netted mixed results. Different investigations have variously indicated that children in each of three groups (first-borns, last-borns, and only children) possess the highest level of self- esteem. Though this research represents many findings, it seems to favor the view that being an only child does not have the detrimental effects that some people assume. The most current data appear to indicate that only children have a slight edge over children with siblings on measures of intelligence and achievement and they suffer no serious interpersonal deficits. With all this information in mind, I will recap the topics in this paper and make a few comments to end this paper. In this paper, the following areas were touched on. First, trends and ideas about why family size is changing were discussed. Second, we noted why more parents are choosing to have only one child and the gains from this decision. Third, a few myths were compared with facts on stereotypical views of only children. Then I closed focusing on the differences of only children and children who have siblings. In closing, it seems that only children may have some advantages as a result of their special status. They seem to receive more attention from parents, freedom from sibling rivalry and comparison, and access to more family resources. They have the advantage of being the oldest and the youngest child in the family. Research has indicated that there are no significant differences between adult only children and adults with siblings in social behaviors from simple interaction skills to civic involvement. For this reason, the stereotype of the only child may lose credibility. With all this stated, the truth is, there’s no ideal family, just what’s right for you. BIBLIOGRAPHY Falbo, Toni. The Only Child in America. Hillsdale NJ: Erlbaum. 1983. p. 264. Falbo, Toni. Review of the Only Child. Hillsdale NJ: Erlbaum. 1986. p. 53. Hawke, Sharryl and Knox, David. One Child by Choice. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall. 1977, p. 110. Kagan, J. Biological Bases of Childhood Shyness. New York: Norton. 1988. p. 167- 171. Nachman, Patricia and Thompson, Andrea. You and Your Only Child. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. 1997. Newman, Susan. Parenting an Only Child. New York: Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc. 1990.